As I sit in the salon while my hair stylist works his magic on my hair, I think about the time  I spent shampooing, conditioning, getting my hair styled, ironed, colored, etc, etc. Do I think it’s a waste of time? – nah, not at all, as I love long hair. This leads me to thinking that though I hate generalizations, most successful women in the corporate world have short hair!

Let’s take Fortune’s list of most powerful women in the world and you will see what I mean:

1. Indra Nooyi – Chairman and CEO, Pepsico
2. Irene Rosenfeld – Chairman and CEO, Kraft foods
3. Pat Woertz – Chairman, CEO and President, Archer Daniels Midland
4. Angela Braly – President and CEO, Wellpoint
5. Ellen Kullman – CEO, DuPont
6. Carol Bartz – CEO, Yahoo
7. Ursula Burns – CEO, Xerox
8. Brenda Barnes – Chairman and CEO, Sara Lee
9. Safra Catz – Co-President, Oracle
10. Ann Livermore – EVP, Technology Solutions, Hewlett-Packard
11. Sheri McCoy – Worldwide Chairman, Pharmaceuticals, Johnson & Johnson
12. Melanie Healey – Group president, Global feminine and health care, P & G
13. Anne Sweeney – Co-Chair, Disney Media Networks and president, Disney/ABC Television Group, Walt Disney
14. Heidi Miller – CEO, Treasury & Securities Services, JPMorgan Chase
15. Colleen Goggins – Worldwide chairman, Consumer Group, Johnson & Johnson

Each of the above listed powerful women has short hair. Even Hillary Clinton and Australia’s first woman Prime Minister Julia Gillard have short hair. Now let’s take a look closer home: Vinita Bali, Kiran Mazumdar Shaw, Naina Lal Kidwai, Anu Aga, Shikha Sharma, Kalpana Morparia, Lalita Gupte are the ones that come to mind immediately and each one of them again has short hair.

Notable exceptions are Andrea Jung, Chairman and CEO, Avon (being a cosmetics company) Chanda Kocchhar and Renuka Ramnath. Even the ones I see climbing up the corporate ladder have short hair – I mentioned this to one of the senior managers I work with (she has very short hair) and she said my observation was not completely off the mark.

Let us understand how hair can play truant when one is trying to create a serious impression – if in a meeting, while thinking about something, you absent mindedly play with your hair, chances are you wont be taken very seriously, specially by your male colleagues – not to forget getting disapproving glances from female colleagues who may think you are using your “looks”. Playing with hair is the one of the signs of flirting and sometimes women touch their hair subconsciously without even realizing it. Besides the risk of appearing overtly feminine, one also has to maintain hair – the time and effort spent is worth the final result – but successful and busy high flying women may not have the time, patience and inclination to style long hair when they could be making millions for the company. It is estimated that women spend 2.5 years and USD 50,000 caring for hair during their lifetime. Hair is something that ranks right up their with waist-to-hip ratio when it comes to men getting attracted to women. Hair is something that makes women feel feminine and can even help change personalities, depending on hair cut and hair color (as banked on by Loreal).

Of course, nowadays men too spend more time in grooming and getting dressed. So sometimes, for the women, more than saving time, it’s all about exuding power or trying to appear more masculine – to be more accepted in a largely male dominated corporate world – which may explain how pant suits may also find more favor with such women than dresses.

Also if your male colleague goes bald, you may hardly give it a thought but just imagine if your female colleague went bald – you would find that shocking, wouldn’t you? Women are sometimes under tremendous pressure to look a certain way; men can get away with a lot – though times are changing.

It is said that one of the ways to ensure that your partner is not cheating on you is to look out for someone with say, similar color of eyes – for example, blue eyed people will subconsciously go in for partners with blue eyes. This is also a way to ensure that your child gets certain genetic characteristics, like blue eyes in above example. Now while it may be easy to understand blondes getting attracted to blondes or those with light eyes getting attracted to someone with light eyes as well; lets explore what attracts the white man to the Chinese woman or vice versa.

As more and more foreigners (men), come to China for work, get married to a Chinese woman and settle down here, we see more and more babies of Asian-Caucasian mixed parentage. The examples of Chinese men and foreign women are very few and far between. This is partly due to the fact that Chinese men are very shy and would not be able to approach a foreign woman as easily as a Caucasian guy would approach an Asian woman. And if they did, they still lack the charm required to engage the foreign women. Most Chinese/ Asian women are smitten with the idea of being with/ marrying a “white” guy. For them it’s a passport to a “supposedly” better life and change of nationality. In fact a lot of Chinese women look down upon other Chinese after marrying a foreigner. An article that stirred up quite a controversy here recently  talks about this craze Chinese women have for foreigners that makes them marry white men double or sometimes triple their age! White men think Asian women make fantastic homemakers – also the effort they need to put in to charm/ seduce an Asian woman is zilch when compared to trying to charm a white woman! Because while the white woman may need wining, dining, the works; the Chinese woman here is just happy to be with someone who has white skin, behaves like a gentleman and is probably better on hygiene than some local Chinese men, even if he is her father’s age. Also they are not so hung up on making nice conversation – they prefer action to words! In fact in most cases, there is no communication between them or communication where the white guy is trying to explain some basic things while the Chinese girl looks at him in awe. Chinese women also make it much more convenient for men to approach them or sometimes may even make the first move. I am not saying all Chinese/ Asian women are like this, but most are really fascinated by the idea of being on the arm of a white guy! Of course there are strong exceptions and I have some white friends who say that don’t find Asian women particularly attractive. One of my friends pointed out that while he feels happy to see white men marrying Asian woman and starting a family, what is truly detestable is when a white guy leaves his wife and kids to be with an Asian woman his daughter’s age. Also there is a trend of having a Chinese “girlfriend” even if one is married. Also not all Asian/ Chinese women want to be with a foreigner. I have some very good Chinese friends and these girls say they are very happy with their Chinese boyfriends/ husbands.

Now interesting to note here is that somehow Indian women just don’t feel the same about white men – in spite of the fact that most white men consider Indian women to be extremely attractive. Guess Indian women are very happy with Indian men or simply look for stability and think that the white men are not marriage material given the high divorce rates in the west (Indians marrying foreigners can be a separate post altogether). While there are quite a lot of Indian men who have married Asian women but I don’t know any Indian woman married to an Asian guy. Again it’s much easier for Caucasian men to marry Asian women who may be looking at domestic roles compared to their ambitious Caucasian counterparts. It’s a similar case in Singapore and most of South East Asia and this article is actually about white women complaining about how all the white men are going after Asian women. Even Japanese women are quite in demand as they are known to be “submissive” – the popular saying is ‘Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English (country) house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.’ (To digress a bit; in the current context with the RMB appreciation, a Chinese salary may not be all that bad and an American salary is no longer as glamorous as it used to be).

Now where does all this leave the Chinese/Asian guy – he is in quite an unenviable position really. In fact, as one my friends rightly pointed out, some Shanghainese men do the dishes, cleaning, cooking, all housework, carry their wife/ girlfriend’s handbag just to compete with the white men vying for the Shanghainese women. A TV advert here for “Nivea for men – oil control” shows a Chinese guy with a very oily face giving a presentation in the boardroom and a white woman (portrayed as his boss) giving him disapproving looks – then it shows a Chinese guy with very good skin and the same white woman smiling and nodding in appreciation. Loreal and Nivea say that China is the biggest market for male grooming products – the Chinese man is trying his best!

Let’s also look at the state of black women in the US. 70% of working African American women are single and 45% of African American never marry. Here is an interesting blog from Economist on the black woman’s quandary. It says black women are in an awful spot when it comes to dating. But clearly white, brown, black women prefer to be single than to be with Chinese men for example (yours truly included) – no offence to the Chinese guys, they are nice and sweet but most foreign women would not view them as husband material.

15-20 years from now, when all these Asian-White children grow up, they may just have it easier to find mates among themselves as there will be loads and loads of them….

*Caucasian stands for populations of Europe, North Africa, West Asia, Central Asia, and South Asia – when I use Caucasian above it means Europeans and (few) South Asians. Hence I use Caucasian/ White to indicate I mean all “White” largely in the context of the above post. Asian above refers to people from Asia except South Asia.

p.s. I have not written this for a long time as I am worried that by mentioning this, this site will get blocked in China (much to Aadisht’s delight) just like blogger, blogspot, wordpress are all blocked here and it will be even more difficult to post views for people like me.

Also – I have very good Chinese women friends and I mean no offence to any Chinese women.

When we are outside our country we become even more strongly aware of our nationality as we are representatives of our country outside. Let me further explain what it means to me today in an international setting, with people from different nationalities. When a westerner asks about some problems in India, we normally tell them it’s because of the population and they wouldn’t understand as they don’t come from a populated country. But this answer cannot be given to a Chinese person, as after all this is the only country with a population that matches ours (although the population density is lower). Of late, on my trips to India, I have ended up accompanying Chinese on their first trip to India (including a senior Chinese delegation once) and I can tell you they are appalled; mostly by the infrastructure, rather the lack of it. This is compounded by the fact that Chinese government’s answer to all woes is the infrastructure stimulus package. The rate at which the infrastructure is being developed here needs to be seen to be believed. So when the Chinese person comes to India and sees lack of good wide roads, highways, metro system and so on, they can’t believe that this country (which lacks basic infrastructure) will compete with China. Of course, Prof Gupta and his Chinese wife put it very aptly when they say though China is clearly ahead of India, the former looks stronger than it is while the latter is stronger than it looks.

An incident that comes to mind is when I accompanied the delegation to the Taj Mahal from Delhi and the highway was blocked by the villagers who were protesting against a murder – so we ended up taking a kuccha road which increased travel time substantially. The woes didn’t end there. In spite of being put up at the best luxury hotel within 500 metres of the Taj, the golf cart ride to the Taj proved to be a pain for them with urchins trying to climb onto the cart and ask for money – a scene straight out of slumdog millionaire! And then we have the likes of Amitabh Bachchan saying Slumdog is ruining the image of India – but that is the real India! If we/ the Indian government are so concerned about the “image” of India, then the road leading to the Taj Mahal should be cleared of illegal hawkers, urchins, and the likes. In fact given that the Taj Mahal is among the wonders of the world and one of top tourist destinations in India this is the least we can do.

Last night while posting the comments in response to Swami I talked about how we in India have the freedom to move to any city and if I don’t have  place to live there, I can live on the road creating a slum. While slums are clearly not an Indian phenomenon alone, mention must be made here of China’s ‘hukou’ system (system of residence permits, which makes it difficult to move across cities, thereby limiting mass movement of people from rural areas to cities). India, being a democracy doesn’t impose any restrictions on movement of people within the country and as an Indian I am free to go to any part of India. But they think it’s better to restrict movement than to have slums. Now, China’s hukou system has been criticized a lot as explained in this article which is blocked here (an example of the internet restrictions here). But to the Chinese, India’s problem are the slums and also the fact that our government does nothing to control the population growth – again an issue of democratic right of deciding how many children one wants to have. Now an important point as far as beautification of cities is concerned is that in China; the face is Shanghai and it’s very well decorated/ prepped up…but West China (which is the rural China) is the ugly underbelly that China doesn’t want to show. Whereas in India, it is what it is – all out in the open (we really don’t try to showcase only some places which make us feel good about our country). Which I would think is truly commendable and something to feel proud of as an Indian.

Also, lest I be accused of only drawing attention to annoying habits of Indians, I must say the Chinese have their own idiosyncrasies, what with the government in Shanghai trying its best to convince people not to spit, not to wear pyjamas during the expo. And for Deepesh’s comments, would say that the mainland Chinese will surely not read this due to their aversion towards reading English (manifested by the education system). Also, important to note here is that when we Indians feel superior because we know English, we tend to forget that it’s in a way thanks to the British colonization legacy! As for Arvind’s comments; most Indians would become more concerned about country’s image when outside as that’s when you are truly a representative/ ambassador of your country! So if and when I don’t conform to the stereotype image foreigners have of India (after seeing movies like slumdog millionaire); I do tell the story of the elephant and seven blind men and try to explain what being Indian means (which is how the previos post came about). I try to explain how our country is a melting pot of so many different cultures, languages, religions, customs, rituals, and so on.

In the coming weeks, I shall attempt to compare the two countries on food, language, outlook towards progress, outlook towards the west, internet freedom, and so on.

For starters, I was the only woman in the entire room and got some stares that made me hope the ground would just split open right there and I be swallowed in (a-la Sita in Ramayana). The purpose of their trip and of this session was to “understand” China – but seems none of these leaders of our PSUs had an open mind and attitude to do so. It ended up being a case of them laughing over any positive thing pointed out about China. And they thought the few other Indians and I who work in China are mad and we have become Chinese and lost our sense of Indianness (WTF). They just kept saying that this entire amazing infrastructure is just a façade; there is nothing good about China or nothing that they can learn from here. I am quite certain, that these guys were upset that they were sent to China in the name of “Videsh”; as for these guys, Videsh still largely means the UK and US.

Now contrast this with a conference I attended organized by a Chinese trade council and one of the provincial governments in South China – this conference aimed at the Chinese “learning” from one of India’s best IT companies about how to develop China’s IT sector! The attitude of the Chinese when it comes to learning/ emulating/ copying is brilliant – if they think you have something to offer, something they can learn; they will want to learn that and implement it in their own country! Everyone says China is known for its “fakes”; in other words for “copying” – but even that requires its own skills. While in India, copying is largely restricted to bollywood lifting stories/ getting inspired from Hollywood/ other world cinema or music; in China, they copy everything from the concept & design of magnetic levitation train to airport terminal designs to designer bags/ shoes – and they are damn good at it. At the end; it all leads to taking the best from everywhere and replicating it here – it’s a system which works, and works brilliantly at that. For all the painful history between Japan and China, today the fact is that the tallest building in China – Shanghai World Financial Centre (SWFC – 101 floors), located in the heart of Shanghai’s financial district is made by the Japanese group Mori. The Chinese have an open attitude about learning, from absolutely anyone.

Our home grown PSUs, on the other hand, are still living in their own “well” – like the frogs who live in a well oblivious to world outside! They still want to function in their age old bureaucratic ways, leading to nothing short of a disaster at times. A classic example is our national carrier. Hope the leading global consulting firm they are working with is able to save them. The general manager of one of the best private airlines in India once told me how he is feeling bad about the state of the national carrier – I asked him shouldn’t he be happy that they are less of a competition for his company – to which he made a very valid point saying he feels let down as an Indian as at the end of day, it’s the national carrier and it doesn’t understand the responsibility of being one!

I am not saying that the Chinese SOEs (State Owned Enterprises) are shining examples of successful corporations; however their management approach is becoming increasingly like that of an MNC! Of course, there are strong links to the government in case of Chinese SOEs and the ambition level (which often gets stimulus from the fact that the government always tries to go out of the way to protect the local companies and discourage outside competition) is not be missed. While I will write a separate post on ambitions of Chinese companies and how China is in a race to own the world’s natural resources today; point to be noted is that the attitude here is much more open than that of our babus back home!

It happens almost every day. I get into a taxi to get to work or return from work and once I have explained my destination in Chinese; the taxi driver will ask “ni shenme guo jia de ren?” (Where are you from/ which is your home country?) And nowadays I have started asking the drivers to guess (“ni cai”) and in most cases the drivers never guess I am Indian and on knowing I am Indian, they want to know why I don’t wear a bindi, or how come I work (yes, people here have a strange notion about Indian women). Now this takes me back to a conversation I once had with an American who asked me if I go to office on an elephant! And an African who once told me I must feel so “free” to wear shorts (this conversation was taking place in Kuala Lumpur) as I might be wearing saris all the time back home! And a Korean who thinks that western outfits are not sold in India at all.

Now most of the above reflects lack of knowledge about India/ Indians. But what strikes me most if that they all have a certain stereotypical image of India. The number of people who have mentioned slumdog millionaire to me within 3 minutes of a first encounter on knowing that I am from India is not funny! To my mind, the challenge is that there is actually no definition/ stereotype of an average Indian – except probably that most Indians like cricket (no wonder it’s called the common religion of India). While the average Joe (American) is described age 25 or older, made roughly $32,000 per year, does not have a college degree, has been, is, or will be married as well as divorced at least once during his or her lifetime, lives in his or her own home in a suburban setting, and holds a white-collar office job (according to Wikipedia); there is no definition of an average Indian – even if we try to attempt one, it would be difficult to come up with an accurate one! Most of my conversations with friends/ acquaintances from across different countries/ cultures take place in this way:
Are most Indian vegetarians? – well, largely yes
Is it because of religion? – largely yes, but depends as many are vegetarian out of choice and many are religious but eat meat or don’t eat meat but drink alcohol (difficult to explain, right!)
Do most Indians live with their parents? – yes, but it depends – people do move out to different cities to work/ study
Are all marriages in India arranged? – largely yes, but depends really on the individual/ family.
Are there any good looking men in India? (question most often asked by Asian women who think the typical Indian man is short, fat, balding and one who doesn’t care about personal grooming!) – Well, yes, I can show you some of my friends who are good looking!
Do women in India work? – if they want to, like anywhere else (but yes, not like China where almost all women work!)
Is the bindi a sign of marriage? – largely yes among Hindus, but even single women wear it and many married women don’t – so it depends! (Also interesting to note here that unlike other countries, a lot of married Indian men do not wear a ring, actually giving out signals that they are single and available )
What is staple diet in India? – depends on which region you are talking about
What is the common language in India? – hmmmm, English!

Well, you get the drift… So I always tell the story of the seven blind men and the elephant to my firang friends – Each one touches a different part and comes up with his own description of the elephant. Similarly depending on which part of India one visits or meets an Indian from which part of India, one is bound to come up with one’s own stereotype images of typical Indian! And the fact is that these images will vary greatly from one another.

Of course a lot of these differences (including the differences in physical characteristics) can be attributed to the Aryan-Dravidian divide, the different religions, customs, languages and the caste system. So while there cannot be a common physical characteristic (except that most Indians are increasingly leading unhealthy lifestyles leading to obesity and heart diseases); based on observations of Indians back home and in a global/ international scenario I thought of similarities in behavioral characteristics and came up with the below:

• Indian Stretchable Time (IST) – An utter disregard for time, one’s time as well as other’s time. Turning up late for meeting/ appointments, dialing in late for conference calls, turning up to meet people without appointments, making people wait – we just don’t respect time! In most countries, for a 9 am appointment people would reach by 8.50 whereas Indians most likely will make it by 9.15/ 9.30 and walk in without bothering to apologize for being late! (probably the only notable exception here is people in Bombay whose lives depend on that Virar fast/ Churchgate fast – but then they too may not respect time in other aspects of life)
• Sense of superiority – its very interesting to note that how we as a race have a certain false sense of being superior. We just assume we are smarter than the rest. While it’s good to have confidence, a know-it-all attitude just spells doom and makes us come across as arrogant. Just saying that you don’t know something opens up a world of learning/ opportunity. The Indian way may not be the best way for everything and there is a lot we can learn from others by keeping an open mind.
• Aggression/ Competitiveness – While some may argue that aggression is more in northern parts of India than Southern, overall as Individuals, we are very aggressive. Sometimes in cultures where direct confrontation in front of others is considered rude, an Indian manager often ends up offending his/ her subordinate. The difference to be noted here is that this aggression in sadly missing at a country level. So while China is aggressive as a country today we are aggressive/ ambitious as individuals resulting in Indians as individuals outshining at global levels but the country failing to do so, as compared to China
• Self over team – Continuing from point above, we are excellent when it comes to working individually; but find it difficult to work as part of a team. And everyone wants to be the manager, not the worker. A story that comes to mind here about rowing competition between India and Japan. How Japan team won easily as they had 7 rowers and 1 captain but the Indian team had 7 captains but 1 rower. And they attributed the loss to the rower not doing his work properly! We generally find it difficult to be open to “listening” to others point of view and working together with them. It’s generally my way or the highway.
• General disregard for other cultures – As part of my job, I am always on conference calls involving India, China and most times these calls have Indians, Chinese, and people belonging to other nationalities. Most times, Indians due to “sense of superiority” and “aggression” mentioned above will completely disregard other cultures, not taking efforts to slow down while talking to make it easier for other person to understand, talking without listening, shouting, etc. Again a point to be noted here is that the same Indian will go out of his/ her way to speak in a British/ American accent if required but won’t slow down when talking to people from non-English speaking countries. This is because the superiority complex we have as compared to many other nationalities also leads to an inferiority complex when it comes to some countries, largely UK, US. Also, the disregard for time zones and calling people on their hand phone after work hours, marking every mail important/ urgent even if it’s not all leads to irritation/ confusion in a global scenario. I am not saying all other cultures understand India, but to exemplify, it’s a fact that an average Indian in China (as compared to say a Westerner here) would not be comfortable eating with chopsticks or even try to understand cultural things like clocks and mirrors are not appropriate gifts for Chinese.
• Equating job/ work with oneself – An equation that most Indians don’t understand is that life > work. I would be very scared if someone would not be able to think of me beyond the work I do. But the fact remains that power, position, status, job are so important to the average Indian that some even print their designation and company name on their wedding cards! Marriage is for lifetime (ideally) and I can’t understand for the life of me why anyone would want to have their wedding invitation look like a CV!
• Moral policing/ crab mentality – We want to always have a say on what’s right and what’s wrong, what’s acceptable and what’s not. The moment someone tries to do something different, like a bucket of crabs we start pulling that person down/ back in. The numbers of examples that come to mind warrant a post in itself!
• Attitude towards children – A friend of mine put it very nicely recently when he said that for most Indians, their dreams/ aspirations end the day their children are born and they start inflicting their unfulfilled dreams/ aspirations on their children. Compared with many other countries and cultures, there is a higher sense of protectionism around children and higher expectation levels as well. Go to a school open house and you will see parents busy comparing why their child lost that 1 mark in the history paper! The focus is not so much on overall development but on academics, though that is changing as parents realize alternative careers thanks to the likes of Dhoni being successful. Also, unlike western mothers, Indian mothers are just not comfortable letting their children be while they get some “me-time”. This is more so the case with infants – while it’s a common sight to see western mothers with infants/ toddlers traveling, meeting up for lunch, going shopping or treating themselves to a spa; for Indian mothers, having a baby in many ways makes them confined to their houses – they are just not comfortable taking their babies out! Even when it comes to traveling in cars, most Indians refuse to have a child car seat and will make their baby sit on the laps in the front seat which is actually more dangerous! I will elaborate on this more in travel point next.
• Attitude towards travel – This is one of my favorite ones. Go to any airport in the world and it will be easy to spot an Indian family – most likely a family of 4-6, all on the healthy/ overweight side with lots and lots of luggage (we never learnt how to travel light!) and bringing out one packet after another of snacks. If there is an infant with the family, it will be crying loudly and the parents just look helpless. On the other hand, westerners travel a lot (even on leisure) and with infants – it is a common sight to see them traveling to tourist spots (including beaches) with infants/ kids – and a point to be noted here is that their babies in most cases are not crying out aloud thanks to the pacifier. Maybe Indian mothers have some kind of an aversion to pacifiers, but just think about it – most Indians who start a family just stop taking holidays until the kid grows to a certain age! Now this is quite a common Indian phenomenon which in inexplicable to me! Another thing about travel is that while the average western couple in their retirement may want to go on a world tour, the Indian has just started getting there.
• “Chalta hai” attitude – No social welfare, a painstakingly slow judiciary (leading to murderers freely roaming about and partying), political leaders who cant run to save their lives (literally), lack of basic civil infrastructure, lack of safety for women (sometimes even inside their own houses), the Bombay drainage system not prepared for the monsoon and the same story being repeated year after year – and what do we do – shrug it off, say “chalta hai” and do not bother to know where our hard-earned money paid as taxes is going. In fact, in most cases our attitude towards it is one of apathy at best – we have become experts at turning a blind eye to all the crap going on around us. And a few years ago, we were also fooled into believing that “India is shining”. While the best people in China join the biggest political party in the world, the best people in India are working on Wall Street, Silicon Valley, teaching in universities abroad, making money in the stock markets while politics remains a “family business”. We need to be in the system to change the system – but we just don’t want to be. In most cases, an IIT/ IIM degree is the passport to “better life” outside the country. And even if it’s within the country that we choose to work, do we really care about the above mentioned points – nah, we are more interested in FIFA world cup (where we are not even represented as a country) or in the latest I phone. After studying “business leadership and strategy” one of the most coveted jobs is that of a trader in a bank – I still don’t understand what “leadership skills” are required there! There is a saying the Chinese believe in – “community over self and country over community”; in India it’s often the reverse, community over country and self over community!

I know its sounds pessimistic but I could not think of a single very inspiring/ positive common trait across whole of contemporary India – something that the world can learn from/ hope to emulate. Would love to hear about your definitions of a typical Indian!

We are no longer living in an age when we need to hunt to feed ourselves – in which case it still makes some sense that men being physically stronger would go out and hunt while the women stayed at home to take care of other chores. In today’s world, the weapon is education and it is gender neutral! Let me exemplify what I am saying. I have another friend who married her boyfriend right after graduation – her then boyfriend and now husband is a qualified chartered accountant. He is an ambitious guy and moved geographies to progress in his career. My friend found it difficult to get a job outside India so she requested her husband to move back to India and this is what her husband had to say “If you can find a job in India that will pay you as much as I make here and I will gladly move back and also become a house husband”. He said this knowing very well that this would not be possible at all. I would have given this guy one tight slap and walked out of the marriage. But my friend didn’t have the “weapon”, i.e. professional education to be able to stand on her feet confidently and has given up on all her aspirations, dreams and hopes or as the MCPs would like to put it; made her husband’s dream her dream!

The biggest challenge we are facing today (not only in India, globally) is the lack of equal number of women in higher/ professional/ specialised education. In India, it’s a bigger problem with the girl child not treated at par with her brothers! If I visit someone and they make their daughter get water, make tea, help in the kitchen while the son gets to sit around playing computer games; I never like to revisit them – as this says a lot about their thinking and most of them are quite open about it; the women of the household will say they are “grooming” the girl for marriage and sending the son for education abroad. In some cases I have also seen that they encourage the girl to study so that she gets an even better qualified husband, in this case the educational qualification of the girl being of greater importance on her marital CV. The easiest way to control women is to not allow them any financial/ economic freedom; i.e. not allow them to earn money. To ensure that not too many women go out and hunt, i.e. earn money, our society does a fantastic job of not giving them the required weapons, i.e. education. Of course it would be wrong to paint all Indian families with the same brush, but unfortunately majority do fall into the stereotype I mentioned above. I admire and respect families where they don’t differentiate among siblings on basis on gender. I came across an interesting article recently written by a Canadian journalist who lives in Delhi (http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/home/sunday-toi/special-report/Free-societies-like-respect-free-women/articleshow/5908488.cms) she has described how “Critics say the family has gone haywire in the western world because of the feminist revolution. Women’s rights and their increasing economic power has seen divorce rates shoot up drastically”. This is very true as most of the times I come across women at work who are divorcees; being financially independent helped them to step out of a bad marriage unlike some others I know who suffer silently as they are completely dependent on their husbands. Walking out of the marriage to them would mean going to their aging parents and they think it’s not right to stress their parents at this age with their marital woes! Often my guy friends have told me “it’s different for you, you are a girl; tomorrow you can just choose to stay at home” – this is where the problem lies, working should not be a choice. Women should work; whatever work they like to do and be financially independent ALL their lives. On a separate note, I would be very interested in carrying out a survey of batches of 1988-1992 from the top b-schools in India and check how many of the women from the prestigious b-schools of our country have given up their career for the larger good of the family – as this is another problem, but at least these women have the education and can work again if they want to. Just think of how many atrocities against women would decrease if more and more women would pursue higher education and work thereafter. In some cases, I have friends who were threatened by their parents that they would commit suicide if she doesn’t marry. This comes from a stupid belief of some Indian parents, more so mothers, that if one is getting a “good match” then one should not let go of it even if it means that the guy’s family expects the girl to discontinue her education and not work.

A lot of the women in the lower classes of society in India actually work; but the work they do is not white-collar work. Most women in the upper classes are business women or high flying socialites; in any case they are a very small number when compared to the overall population of India. So when I say women are creating hurdles to progress of other women, I largely mean the great Indian middle class. Amidst all the IPL controversy recently, a journalist wrote that “we should not forget we live in the times of sunanda pushkar and sania mirza” – while these 2 women are strong headed, rebellious and hence the target of gossip columnists, what we should really not forget is that we live in the country of Rani Laksmibai and Indira Gandhi! So while we talk of women’s reservation in the parliament and in the IIMs, we should walk the talk as women, as mothers, by not differentiating between genders!

In the meantime; I pray that the two friends of mine whom I mentioned at the beginning do NOT have baby girls – not for their sake, but for the sake of the girl child!

Shanghai has been undergoing a facelift in the last few months – for the green expo. From new metro lines (which have now made the Shanghai Metro the longest in the world) to a new airport terminal to trees replete with lights that have sprouted overnight to viewing galleries in shanghai’s business district to the newly done up bund on the pudong side to new expo taxis with English speaking drivers; shanghai has had more than a lift and a tuck to look like a glittering diamond. Imagine driving to work on a Monday morning to find the road you take everyday suddenly looking completely different with trees on both sides (literally overnight) or taking a taxi one day and not having to explain the address/ give directions in Chinese! It’s almost surreal – but if anyone can do it; it’s the Chinese! In fact; even in normal taxis  (the expo taxis are bigger and better); a sticker has been put with a number to call on in case of problems communicating with the driver – Shanghai has gone all out to make it convenient for the visitor; though how many will visit only because of the expo remains to be seen. But one has to see it to believe it! Most Indians who visit Shanghai for the first time are completely in awe of what the city has to offer in terms of infrastructure and then admit rather sheepishly that they never thought China would be like this!

Let’s take a look at some of the statistics:

• Size of expo site – 5.28 sq. km. (20 times bigger than the last world expo in Spain)
• No of visitors expected over 6 months of expo – 70 million (most of them Chinese)
• Participating countries and organizations – >240
• Expense to host the event – USD 4.2 billion
• Amount spent on infrastructure overhaul – USD 45 billion
• Number of new taxis – 4,000 (in addition to 50,000 existing ones)

The government has spent more on the shanghai expo than they did on Beijing Olympics. A look at the fantastic pavilions put up by various countries today and one is convinced that no country wants to say no to China today! In fact; they want to go all out to use this opportunity to strengthen their ties with China. World leaders were present for the opening ceremony. This is China’s way of asserting its place in the world today by showcasing how no one can do it bigger and better than them. This is also a way for China to tell its own people about its position in the world today. Most importantly, this is the first time the world expo is being hosted by a developing country! If the Beijing Olympics made the world sit up and notice China, then there is no doubt that the Shanghai expo will go all out to make a big statement about China’s position in the world today!

Of course, all this has not been without its share of controversies; people have been relocated to make space for the expo site and the new metro lines; there have been protests which have been curtailed. The PLA (People’s Liberation Army) has been brought in to beef up security.

Everyone who has been living in Shanghai for last 6 months; has been given a free ticket to the expo; 33 million tickets have already been sold and along with the free tickets 40 million visitors are confirmed – and the expo has just begun. Keeping aside the issue of relocating the locals or causing inconvenience to some of them; one has to agree that what Shanghai has been able to do is spectacular – I have not seen so much infrastructure development in last 15 years in Bombay as I have seen in Shanghai in last 2 years. In that sense; it does live up to the “better city, better life” theme. All this infrastructure development is very futuristic and will benefit Shanghai for a long time to come. The critics say that there will be the problem of overcapacity but with the kind of growth China is seeing; most don’t see that as a big issue. Convenience and ease is top priority as Shanghai has managed to now link both the airports by metro (old airport in Hongqiao and the new one at Pudong). They have also connected Shanghai to cities like Nanjing by high speed trains and plan to do the same for Shanghai and Beijing. In addition; a 165 metre expo thermometer has been put up in the expo park in Puxi along the Huang Pu river to give real time weather information – this is the highest meteorological signal tower in the world! From low carbon consumption to odorless toilets, the expo has it all.

Mr. Vilasrao Deshmukh – you said in 2005 that you want to make Mumbai like Shanghai; its 2010 and Shanghai seems to have gone ahead by light years whereas Mumbai is nowhere close to where Shanghai was in 2005 – in fact the only infrastructure development that Mumbai is proud of; the Bandra-Worli sea link (which took ten years to complete; the same time it took Shanghai to turn whole of Pudong from grasslands to a world class business district complete with a new airport and metro lines) also needed Chinese help (one of the contractors for the sea link was a Chinese infrastructure company)! So while we Indians pride ourselves on our software; when it comes to hardware we really need to keep our egos aside and take some serious help from China as they really know their stuff as showcased by the expo! Being a realist; though I am a proud Indian I would say that Mumbai cannot dream of hosting such an event at a similar scale for the next 100 years! Sigh!

The MNS/ Shiv Sena: Demand low-skilled, low-wage jobs with scope for lots of black money for its votebank. Beat up North Indians who try to get in on the racket. They never even talk about opportunities to make really big money.

The BSP: Never talks about how its votebank will get money. Does not necessarily care. Never talks about how businesses will make money. Again, does not necessarily care. Makes sure that the party fund and Mayawati get money.

The Congress and BJP: The national parties have multiple approaches. First, they talk about and/ or implement fee cut in IITs and IIMs, reservation in central universities, or employment guarantee schemes that supposedly give the great unwashed masses access to the joys of yuppiedom. However given the incredibly small number of education seats, and the challenges in actually making it to Class 12 if you’re not above a certain wealth-level already, this basically works out to a lottery for the well-off-but-not-filthy-rich. Given the level of corruption in the NREGA, that’s a lottery for the poor as well. Meanwhile the finance minister will keep talking about reform without actually implementing any of the reports he commissioned. I’m talking Mistry, Rajan, and Kelkar here. In this atmosphere of talking reform but doing nothing, businesses bribe at the ministerial level and carry on. As a result, prosperity slowly trickles down.

The Akali Dal: It’s been a while since I was in Punjab, but ten years ago they were doing with water what America has only now started doing with finance: privatising gains and socialising losses. They announce free electricity for farmers, which basically means that the biggest and most politically well-connected farmers pump massive amounts of water, and get massive crops in the short-term. The water table drops and everyone gets fucked in the long-term. Industry dies because of power shortage. Instead of doing anything about this, sardars migrate to Canada and Australia.

The Janata Dal (Gowda version): Talk about farmers. Meanwhile, get your party members to buy up all their land. Get industrialists or real estate developers interested in said land. When they’ve committed to buying it, unleash a farmer’s agitation. Continue until said industrialists/ developers cough up the amount that will avoid breaking them. Simultaneously, give away iron ore mines in return for truckloads of money.

The DMK: Announce free bicycles, TV sets, stoves, and suchlike for everyone. Make sure everyone actually gets it. Collect a kickback on every such bicycle, TV set, stove, etc. Make your bureaucracy an efficient machine for acquiring land, developing industrial parks, and getting big ticket manufacturers and all their suppliers down south. Live off the the VAT generated by these people, while simultaneously ensuring that they buy their construction material, boiler fuel, and so on only from your party members at high prices. Bask in the manufacturing boom and the wealth and employment this generates.

Amazingly the DMK has managed to come up with rent-seeking behaviour that actually benefits both the people who vote for it and the people who finance it. It has become a perfect stationary bandit. Things are so good now that Tamland has high employment, and guest workers from North India have to be hired to to build Tamizh monuments, as long as they keep Hindi only for film songs and not to dominate other languages.

The implication is that Chennai is not, as writers of puff pieces would have it, the Detroit of India – after all Detroit is depopulating and its neighbourhoods are being taken over by wilderness – but the Dubai. Soon remittances shall flow out from Chennai. Soon, it will have a really big tower. The difference is, Chennai’s tower will have a cut-out on top of it.

The other day I called a junior of mine from b-school who like me is from Bombay and now lives and works in Bangalore and she was talking about these “narrow minded” men as well who assume that she must have got married and hence shifted to Bangalore. The sad part is when men from your business school; who may/may not have done as well as you academically and are doing a job similar to yours ASSUME that they can move cities for “better career prospects” but women would move only for husband’s better career prospects.

Talking about being “narrow minded”, one cant forget to mention some of the NRIs. Most Indian social gatherings (here in Shanghai) end up having the women together in one corner and all the men huddled up in another. During the couple of such gatherings I attended by mistake (once bitten, twice shy – now I just keep myself away); this is the kind of individual conversation I had with a handful of women:

Fellow desi nari: Haan ji, toh kahaa kaam karte hai aapke husband?

Me: Sorry; I am not married – yet.

Fellow desi nari: (in a surprised tone) Toh tum yehaa pe kya karti ho?

Me: (!!! thinking WTF) I work here; excuse me! (and move on with a smile to have a repeat of the same conversation with another desi nari.

So rampant is this assumption that now I actually feel like punching the next person who assumes that I shifted to Shanghai because I must have got married! GIVE ME A BREAK! I know how to live my life and don’t need a guy for that!

Thankfully there are some exceptions to the above rule (whom I count among friends and rightly so) wherein these people don’t assume stuff about others. I also know Indian men who have moved geographies to be where their wife is working. Unfortunately these constitute only a very small minority of Indian men! I have a theory that for a lot of Indian women; their own dreams, aspirations take a backseat when they get married (more so if the marriage is on insistence of parents, or for image in samaj etc) and these dreams are reborn as dreams for their children when the children are born – but more on this theory later.

In their new book; Superfreakonomics; Levitt and Dubner look at rates of women dropping out of work compared to men from a prestigious university and not surprisingly women drop out more and for more family related reasons then men do. This is true; no doubt. But does this make it the rule? Don’t ambitious women exist? And is it nice to assume that every woman who moves to a new city is doing so because of her husband/ family? I aspire to live and work in different cities around the world and I know many other women who do too. Problem is that men STILL expect women who are as smart; as qualified as them to not follow their dreams but go after their husband’s dreams instead – too bad it doesn’t cut ice with a lot of us!

p.s. I am not saying that only men should follow women; but they should not expect women to be the only ones to follow at all times! It’s a two way street, darling.

Indian1: Are you from India? (This is important as all South Asians look the same)
Indian 2: Yes, you too?
Indian 1: (smiles) which part of India are you from?
Indian 2: Bombay
Indian 1: Oh, you must be a Maharashtrian; are you part of the Marathi association? I am a Bengali and we are having Durga Puja this week in the Bengali association.
Indian 2: (a bit surprised at the assumption) that’s good; I am not Maharashtrian
Indian 1: (losing patience in the hurry to stereotype) Well then, what are you?
Indian 2: (very tempted to say “I am Indian” knowing that’s not the answer expected) My mother is from Madhya Pradesh and father is a Gujarati from Bombay
Indian 1: Well, that makes you Gujarati! (in an authoritative tone)
Indian 2: If you insist
Indian 1: Then you must join the Gujarati association; heard they have dandiya nights, etc.
Indian 2: (wondering how to explain to Indian 1 that I see myself as Indian and don’t believe in these community associations) Well actually I don’t know how to play dandiya; my friends laugh when I speak Gujarati; I have visited Gujarat only once to see IIMA and my last boyfriend was South Indian!
Indian 1: (not giving up yet) well in that case you may like the South Indian association, Tamil Sangammam, etc
Indian 2: (quite irritated by now at the persistence of the other person to stereotype) Ok, I got to run now; nice meeting you!

I realize how different my family is when I come across these desis who are hell bent on categorizing people as Sindhi, Punjabi, Kashmiri, Bengali, Maharashtrian, Tamilians, Malayalis, Gujaratis, and so on. Why can’t we all be just Indian? And the rate at which the other person (9 out of 10 times) tries to classify you is not funny. Kudos to all those who are marrying people from different parts of India and who speak different languages – this is the surest way to national integration! And it’s high time to have an association for NRIs that says “We are all Indians”.

Also an embarrassing situation occurred when, during a dinner conversation with people from different nationalities; a fellow Indian took it upon herself to explain to the non-desis present there as to how according to her, people from North India are white and people from South India are black!!! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and asked this lady (who is from Kashmir and in her own words, the fairest of all in India) whether she knew that Hema Malini, Aishwarya Rai and many other beautiful and “fair” women in India are South Indians. And she confessed that she didn’t know that Aishwarya Rai is South Indian and then fumbled to give some excuse like she meant people living in South India, etc. Also, she asked me whether I am South Indian and hence offended by this comment. To which I told her I don’t like discrimination on the basis of skin color. Reflecting on this I realized that coming from a family where each member has different levels of melanin, it’s a non-issue for us. While I don’t want to get into skin color and what influences the same; my point is why should we be so stereotypical – aren’t we all Indians? Or is genetics and melanin content going to divide us? In a nation obsessed with fair/ white skin and where matrimonial columns are full of “wanted tall, fair, homely girl”; Aishwarya Rai did the right thing by refusing to endorse a whitening range for L’oreal.

On the whole, the North/ South India divide is the strongest I have seen with people from rest of India calling everyone who lives South of Vindhyas as Madrasis. (I have yet to come across a reverse case wherein everyone who lives in North India could be referred to as a Punjabi for example). Wouldn’t it help if we all were able to accept the others as they are with the differences and actually celebrate the differences instead of using them to draw lines, distinguish and put the other person down? In that sense; to me Bombay has been very cosmopolitan and when I now interact with people from other parts of India; I realize that the regionalism is much stronger in their case. (I know a lot of people would say the “Bombaite” is one stereotype on its own).

There is yet another Indian stereotype around working as a single Indian woman in a city one doesn’t belong to; but I shall leave that for next time.

And the next time another Indian asks me if I am from India, I guess I will think twice before answering as I know what lies ahead!!

P.S. I could write about a lot more instances but just want to highlight the way we think, the regionalism many times being stronger than nationalism!